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[12 Mar 2007|11:42am] |
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 sleepy |
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music |
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Jagged Little Pill - Alanis Morisette |
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Just heard a song I haven't heard in like a zillion years.
This has no bearing on my life at present, so no concerned comments, plzkthx.
You Oughta Know - Alanis Morisette
I want you to know
That I'm happy for you
I wish nothing but
The best for you both
An older version of me,
Is she perverted like me?
Would she go down on you in a theatre?
Does she speak eloquently?
And would she have your baby?
I'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother
Cos the love that you gave, that we made,
Wasn't able to make it enough for you to be
Open wide, no
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died? Till you died?
But you're still alive
And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know
You seem very well
Things look peaceful
I'm not quite as well
I thought you should know
Did you forget about me,
Mr. Duplicity?
I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner
It was a slap in the face
How quickly I was replaced
And are you thinking of me when you fuck her?
Cos the love that you gave, that we made
Wasn't able to make it enough for you to be
Open wide, no,
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died? Till you died?
But you're still alive
And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know
Cos the joke that you laid in the bed, that was me
And I'm not gonna fade as soon as you
Close your eyes, and you know it
And every time I scratch my nails down
Someone else's back, I hope you feel it
Well, can you feel it?
And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know and I'm here
To remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know
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[12 Oct 2006|06:41pm] |
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music |
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"Sad Songs and Waltzes" - Cake |
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I'm writing a song all about you
A true song, as real as my tears
But you've no need to fear it
Cos no one will hear it
Sad songs and waltzes aren't selling this year
I'll tell all about how you cheated
I'd like for the whole world to hear
I'd like to get even
With you, cos you're leavin'
But sad songs and waltzes aren't selling this year
It's a good thing that I'm not a star
You don't know how lucky you are
Though my record may say it
No one will play it
Sad songs and waltzes aren't selling this year
It's a good thing that I'm not a star
You don't know how lucky you are
Though my record may say it
No one will play it
Sad songs and waltzes aren't selling this year
Twenty-one more days..
And two months and eight days till I move. It seems like a ways off, but I haven't even found an apartment or job yet. My last day at the Overleaf is December 31, but I'm moving into the apartment December 20 and then staying at my mom's till my job is over. I'm still waiting on my U of O app (crosses fingers), but if I get in, I start classes January 8.
I hate living at home.
School, however, is going surprisingly well. My advisor stuck me in two classes at the same time (and even I, the amazingly multi-faceted Lyn can't pull off that one), so I talked to my film arts professor and he agreed to let me skip class one day a week to go to my bio class, and then just make up the course work on my own time. I just found out this hasn't been detrimental to my grade, so I'm psyched.
I'm really enjoying my film class. All we do is watch classic movies and then post commentary on a forum, and since I'm decent at writing, this hasn't proved too challenging. No tests. No midterms. No final exams.
My biology class is forcing me to be the outdoors-y girl I've never been previously. Last week we went trekking through the mudflats at the estuary looking for little critters and discussing how they relate to the ecosystem. I found a really cute little baby clam and a sand shrimp. Sand shrimps = icky little bug-like creatures that I hate to touch.
Farm girl, my ass. I'm discovering what a priss I truly am. I hate getting dirty. And tonight, I have to go hiking in the national forest by South Beach. Bleh.
My math class, the one I was dreading, is actually going really well. I have an A and I got a 95 on the test last week. Because I'm awesome. Granted, it's not very hard.. but I'll take what I can get.
I hate updating. Adios.
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[07 Sep 2006|09:26pm] |
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tired |
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music |
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Various Depeche Mode |
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Today I was looking at the ocean and I saw what I'm pretty sure was every nuance of blue known in existence.
The combination created the exact color of his eyes.
It was beautiful.
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[17 Aug 2006|08:09pm] |
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mood |
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 good |
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music |
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"Precious" - Depeche Mode |
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Boooorrrrredommm..
.. so I'm pretty sure that the fact that I become absolutely listless and lethargic when I'm not working is truly a testament to my amazing work ethic, but oh, my Godddd.. I had great plans of cleaning and shampooing the carpets today, but they were foiled because someone did it all yesterday. Meh.
So what do all great Internet geeks do when they have nothing else to do and no gas in their vehicles to do anything anyway? Why, they surf the Net, of course!
In my day of utter nothingness, I did the following:
1. Dragged my tired ass out of bed to drive my sister to work in Yachats (eight miles on coastal roads for the win), which took ten minutes, and then drove back, which took thirty-five because of all the bastardly construction and the fact that I had to stop at 76 to buy cigarettes. w00t.
2. Downloaded and ran Ad-Aware because the stupid siblings got a whole barrage of spyware on our brand-new computer (mhm, Limewire is the sux0rZ).. and then ran it again twice more because it found so much stuff.
3. Got in a fight with my brother because he got up and immediately started bitching that he wanted the computer, in spite of my obvious activities in removing the spyware that he downloaded in the first place.
4. Downloaded a new downloading agent that's supposed to be less dangerous, but we'll see..
5. Called Travis and talked about absolutely nothing for about an hour, but it was an hour of nothingness that I enjoyed a lot. <3 oO, I simultaneously watched Maury Povich and Jerry Springer because, God help me, I love my white trash television. It's a self-esteem booster.
6. Called my old high school to request my transcripts through the mail.
7. Called U of O to discuss my admissions stuff, and sort of set up an appointment in Eugene in a few weeks so I can straighten out all of my credit crap.
8. Called the IRS because evidently I fux0red something up on my return last year and I needed to fix it before I get audited (how the fuck can they audit me when I made almost nothing last year..), and then found out that I got screwed out of $250 from my tax refund last year because the website where I filled out my tax form told me to fill something in that I wasn't supposed to, and blah blah..
9. Called Nancy and talked to her for awhile about pretty much nothing, mostly just about what an ASSHOLE JEREMY IS FOR BLOWING ME OFF WHEN YOU WERE FIFTEEN MILES FROM ME, YOU SON OF A BITCH. What the fuck, you live four hundred miles away, you're in town for a couple of days, so I drive up there to meet you COS YOU TOLD ME TO and then you don't answer your phone? And it's been almost a week and you haven't called me since? Ughhh, whatever then. Eat me. Friends don't blow each other off, ESPECIALLY PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN FRIENDS FOR LIKE FIVE YEARS.
10. Screwed around with my camera and tweaked the settings (yes, I'm technologically inept and I just learned how to change the color settings O.O ), taking a bunch of pictures that my mom doesn't like.
11. Took a nappppp, exhausted from my oh-so-busy day..
Hm, I think I'll put things into list-form more often. It makes my life seem more interesting than it really is.
Having time to sit around all day long makes me think too much, and yeah.. I'm glad you deleted me from your journal (hah, makes a lot of sense that I'm writing this, since you.. uh.. deleted me from your journal) because yeah, I don't really want to talk to you anymore anyway, too many hurt feelings there. And yeah, with everything going on in your life, I just hope you're happy. And now I'm done.
Ahem.. so.. Brittaney.. you need to call me and stuffs, I have loooottttttts to tell you.. I'm off all day tomorrow and if you need my number, just call my cell first and I'll give it to you again. It's just cos I'm po' and can't afford minutes for my phone.
And now, peektahs..
.. Hah, or not because it won't let me insert them?
Pshaw, I'll just change my userpic and call it good. w00t. w00t for the inept.
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[27 Jul 2006|05:44pm] |
.. I swear to God, I don't even know why I still read your journal. Glutton for punishment, maybe?
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[16 Jul 2006|08:22pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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Cake, but only in my head |
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Okay, so, I know that Cake didn't originally sing this song, but I don't care, it's stuck in my head and I'm humming it in the gift shop at work cos there's no one around. So there.
At first I was afraid,
I was petrified,
I kept thinking I could never live
Without you by my side.
But then I spent so many nights
Just thinking how you'd done me wrong.
I grew strong.
I learned how to get along.
And so you're back from outer space,
I just walked in to find you here
Without that look upon your face.
I should have changed my fucking lock,
I should have made you leave your key,
If I'd have known for just one second
You'd be back to bother me.
Oh, now, go,
Walk out the door,
Just turn around now,
You're not welcome anymore.
Weren't you the one
Who tried to break me with desire?
Did you think I'd crumble?
Did you think I'd lay down and die?
Oh, not I.
I will survive,
As long as I know how to love,
I know I'll be alive.
I've got all my life to live,
I've got all my love to give,
I will survive,
I will survive.
It took all the strength I had
Just not to fall apart,
I'm trying hard to mend
The pieces of my broken heart.
And I spent oh, so many nights
Just feeling sorry for myself,
I used to cry,
But now I hold my head up high.
And you'll see me with somebody new,
I'm not that stupid little person
Still in love with you.
And so you thought you'd just drop by,
And you expect me to be free,
But now I'm savin' all my lovin'
For someone who's lovin' me.
Oh, now go,
Walk out the door,
Just turn around now,
You're not welcome anymore.
Weren't you the one
Who tried to break me with desire?
Did you think I'd crumble?
Did you think I'd lay down and die?
Oh, not I.
I will survive,
As long as I know how to love,
I know I'll be alive.
I've got all my life to live,
I've got all my love to give,
I will survive,
I will survive.
Again.. not thinking of this for any reason other than the fact that I woke up thinking about it.. and it's been in my head all day.. and now that everyone else is gone for the night, the gift shop is my stage and I can sing it if I want to, bwaha.
Boredom is a harsh mistress.
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[14 Jul 2006|11:22pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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"Daria" - Cake |
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You know.. I really feel like there's something in particular I should say to you..
.. and it's driving me crazy that I don't know what that is..
.. and you're right, it's really annoying when you keep hearing songs you don't want to hear.. and yet, you can't force yourself to change the station.
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| The long and winding road.. |
[11 May 2006|04:17pm] |
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mood |
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 bliss.. pure bliss.. |
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music |
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Various Beatles love songs.. le sigh.. |
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Isn't it funny how life changes so quickly?
My life is changing.. in so many ways.. and all so suddenly.. that I don't even feel like myself. I feel like I'm looking in at someone else, someone who, for the first time, is seeing life through her own eyes and not someone else's, doing things for herself for once and not for others.
And she doesn't feel selfish.
And I take back what I said. I do feel like myself. I just feel like I'm honestly seeing myself.. for me.. for the very first time. Sans the various biases from other affecting my point of view.
Hah, I suppose that instead of being so dreadfully insightful and observant, I should fill all of you in as to what's going on with me to begin with.. because in rereading the first three paragraphs, I can see how incredibly cliched and redundant it sounds. You've found yourself? Superb. You're sitting alone in your apartment pondering and realizing the true nature of your personality? Fantastic, let us all know when you've found a life.
For the last year, I've been sitting here beating myself to death over the fact that I'm not in school. I worked so hard to do more in my life, and here I am.. vegetating.. figuratively rotting while I hear about the amazing ventures my friends are embarking upon. The most I have to show for myself as of yet is the fact that I moved out on my own six months ago, and honestly, what bragging rights does that bring? I'm a manager at an entry-level, globally-hated fast food chain and I'm consistently living paycheck to paycheck. My family moved four hundred miles away, and I stayed behind for a guy who, if placed in this situation, would not have done the same for me, and I knew that from the get-go. I've been financially enslaved. I'm a slave to my check book and bank balance, which is sadly never as flexible as I wish.
For all of these reasons (actually, repetitive bitching and moaning seems to more accurately sum it up), the absolute bliss, joy, and excitement I felt when I found out that I could, indeed, go to school at a top-ranked liberal arts college with a top-ranked school of music cannot possibly be difficult to surmise.
My mom got a job working for the Hatfield Marine Biology Research Center for Oregon State University, working for some of the most famous marine biologists in the world, and, as a job perk, she can put a spouse or dependent through school at any Oregon college for 25% of the tuition rate. The University of Oregon was one of my top choices for schools anyway; they have an absolutely amazing school of music, which is audition only, not to mention a beautiful and historic campus, less than an hour from the coastline, and so much more culture and open-mindedness than any place I have ever lived in in my life. So now, instead of having to pay $5,700 per term, I can pay my full tuition for a little over $300. It almost seemed too good to be true. The only stipulation: I have to be a dependent of my mom for six months and have to be enrolled full time in school for ninety days. The solution: I move to my mom's in June, go to community college for a quarter, and start at UO in January.
Of course, that meant I'd have to leave Luke behind.. and that was when I really knew how deeply it hurt me when he wouldn't even discuss going with me.. and when I realized that I was sad far more often than when I was happy.. and that I truly hadn't been happy in our relationship for quite some time.
Which is why I broke up with him. It's been a month and a half now and I'm okay. I know he misses me a lot, but I keep trying to explain to him that this is really what I need.
And so, cold and heartless as it sounds, I am doing this with no regrets. None whatsoever. What good are regrets, anyway? Every experience in life teaches you something, and, even if this is a mistake, I have little doubt that I'll gain valuable life experience from it.
For the first time in my life, I'm seeing my future laid out in front of me like a blanket of jewels. I'm really seeing how much potential I have. I can do whatever I want, assuming I'm willing to put forth the time, effort, and hard work. I can study hard to become the best at anything I want to do. I can travel around the world. I can stand upon the green fields of Ireland and look upon the ancient castles and breathtaking misty backdrops enveloping me. I can study opera in Rome and absorb the history and culture till I can feel them pulsing through my veins and have to close my eyes to contain my dizziness from this world spinning around me. I can go to Egypt and feel the sun beat down upon me and think of all the people over thousands of years who have shared the same experience and know that no matter the century, millenia, people have changed little from their roots. I can go to Hong Kong and see the bustling of cities and know that although our country stigmatizes China, we are all the same because our governments all lie to us. I can go to Red Square in Moscow and truly appreciate the inherent beauty and malice in all mankind.
I can do anything. Anything at all. And I want to. I want to see the wolrld, I want to find a way to help people all I can, and live my life to the fullest.
So back to reality. I am moving in three and a half weeks and I seriously have so much to do. John and I are going to caulk my tub today and move some of my furniture out to the garage, and Nancy and I are going to pack up some more of my boxes. But no matter how busy and stressful this is, I continuously find myself taking a deep breath, looking around, and thinking the same phrase:
La vie est belle.
Life is beautiful.
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[25 Mar 2006|11:27am] |
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mood |
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So..
I broke up with Luke last night.
Andd.. my heart is breaking. Andd.. I'm a horrible person because I know that his is, too. Andd.. I'm a selfish bitch because even though I feel like this is best for both us, I can't help but wonder if, in the back of my mind, I'm just doing this for myself.
Yeah.
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[10 Jan 2006|05:36pm] |
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thoughtful |
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That dorky ringtone on my phone.. cos I have a call.. whee.. |
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Aaaahh.. I feel infinitely better than the last time I posted. Maybe it's because I FINALLY have a real day off (haven't had one since the 26th) and I got most of my bills paid today AND my apartment is clean AND I have dinner in the oven. Whatever it is, I'm just.. calm. And Zen. Yes, Zen.
WELL. Lots has happened since I last wrote. I went down the Oregon coast to see my family and the weather was such a refreshing change from the stupid inland. The day I left, it was about twenty degrees here with freezing fog and compact snow and ice on the roadways, which, actually, is somewhat of a rarity for the region I'm in. Still, it sucked, and I was happy to get to the coast, where it was pouring down rain BUT sitting pretty at sixty degrees. Even though I was sleeping on a horribly uncomfortable pull-out sofa hide-a-bed thing, I fell asleep every single night listening to the rain beating down on the tin roof and the Pacific ocean whooshing against the shore a few blocks away. For someone who grew up nowhere near the coast, it was just very.. calming. Even though I really missed Luke, who couldn't come with because he had to work. And in spite of the fact that my family was all morose about my sister not being there. My mom kept her cell phone on her at every second, hoping she'd call, but.. she didn't.
Anyway. I turned nineteen the day after I got there (wheee) and my brother and I drove fifteen miles to the bayfront and went to a bunch of cool little hippie shops. Some of them were way too touristy, but there was this one that was right on the dock looking straight out onto the ocean, and we heard a lot of noise coming from there. So we walked over there and, lo and behold, there were about thirty seals jujst splashing around and barking and playing with each other. I enjoyed it a lot. I've seen seals at the zoo and stuff, but I've never been that close to them.
Christmas was nice, even though money was tight. I got a lot of things I really needed. I got a suitcase and luggage bag (which I badly needed, since I packed all of my stuff coming down in backpacks), a new DVD player (my old one crapped out four months after I got it), a new, bigger TV (I love my old one but it only has a 13-inch screen), a brand-new, really nice blender, and a coffee grinder. The best gift, though, was from Luke, and he gave it to me the day before I left: a three-stone necklace with three princess-cut diamonds on a white-gold chain. It's the nicest gift I've ever gotten from someone I'm dating.
The week flew by and I drove back on the 27th. I worked clear through the first, and on New Years Day, I got a phone call while I was at work. It was my mom, telling me that my sister had called her, was ready to go home, and that I needed to pick her up in Milton-Freewater. She was going to be calling my cell phone from a payphone telling me where I needed to go pick her up. So I was making arrangements with my boss about how to do this, since I was only an hour into my shift, when all of the sudden, my sister walked in. I hadn't seen her in over seven weeks, and she looked really tired and a little thinner. I made her wait for me at my apartment till I got off work, and then the next day, I drove her three and a half hours to meet my mom and everyone else.
So, she's back home now and everyone's happy. I'm still pissed off at her, and I don't know if I'll ever get over that.
Mrm. Anyway, so everything is pretty much back to normal. In about ten minutes, I'm going to go put carrots in the roast. Go me. I'm learning how to cook. I never thought I would.
But it's been in the oven for almost three hours and it smells good.
OKAY. SO. Let me take this moment to make some official announcements:
RACHYL: congratulations. I'm so happy that you and Geoff finally got married, and when you go to Alaska, you goddamned well better stop here and see me and stay for a few days. We're still lame and underage, but we can go to Canada and go to the bars there.
BRIAN: Congratulations to you too. I'm glad that you're getting married, although I must say, what the crap is it with everyone getting married all of the sudden? This isn't even wedding season. But. All of that aside, your girlfriend is very cute and I hope you two are very, very happy. Also, I expect wedding pictures.
Andddd even though I'm very happy for all of you little boys and girls who are getting hitched, I'm very, very happy that I didn't get engaged this Christmas. Soooo not ready. Was worried that it might happen, but it didn't, so pheww.
I'm going to go finish dinner now, so.. I'll probably update again within the next.. oh, four or five weeks. Adios.
PS: *cough* someone should send me fifty dollars so I can turn in my application to the University of Oregon. :) Think of it as a subliminal message or.. a late birthday present? Christmas? Chanukah? Kwanzaa? Oh hell.. I'm just broke.
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[01 Dec 2005|11:40am] |
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mood |
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contemplative |
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Okay, I'm going to leave an actual post this time to really update on how my life is going.
All in all, it's going alright, except that I really need money. I'm going down to the coast in less than three weeks to spend Christmas with my family, so I'm missing a week of work. My rent and utilities are paid through the month and I have two more paydays before I leave (5th and 19th). I've paid for most of my Christmas presents (well, put them on credit cards, but I only owe about $150.00 on each). Since I'm missing that week of work, I want to get my January rent mostly paid before I leave, because my next payday after that is January 2, and my rent is due the 5th. That means between now and the new year, I have to pay the following:
-January rent ($350.00)
-December cable ($34.99)
-December power (not sure yet, I get billed tomorrow and it's due the 20th)
-December phone ($20.00 or so)
I also need to get my snow tires on, since I'm driving down through the gorge. For any of you who have never driven through the gorge in Oregon, it's a real treat. Snow and ice until you get to Portland. Wheee.
I think it's going to cost me about a hundred bucks to get those put on, and I need to get my oil changed before I leave, so that's another twenty or so. If I have any extra money, I want to pay a little on my Gottschalks card and on my Maurices card. I'm okay on gas/groceries/cigarettes. It's really nice getting free food at work, it cuts down on my groceries a lot.
So my strategy: I'm going to pay most of my rent when I get paid Monday, and I'm going to get my snow tires put on and my oil changed. I also have to pay my power bill. I'll pay whatever I can with this check and then maybe I'll have some left over to take with me with my 19th check.
Managing bills = not the easiest thing to do when you suck at math.
But I have to go. I miss my mom a lot. She was already horribly depressed over Thanksgiving because I wasn't there. Plus, with everything that's going on with my sister, she needs me.
Oh, ha, I didn't mention what my sister did.
Okay, so. They headed down to the coast like November 4th, and started her in school the 6th. They came back up the 8th or 9th to load the U-Haul and get the rest of the stuff out of the house. My mom and Jerry spent the night at my apartment, but my mom said Blake and Amelia could stay at the house for the night because I didn't have room. Amelia went out with her friends but was supposed to come back to the house, since they were planning on leaving the next morning.
So my mom and Jerry head home in the morning, and Blake's there, but there's a four-page note from my sister about how they should just leave without her because one of her friends really needed her, and that she'd get a ride home -- to Waldport, an eight hour drive away -- the next day.
They put off going for a few hours but they had to leave, because they had to get the U-Haul back, and Jerry had to get back to work the day after. Amelia, of course, never showed, but she talked to my mom on the phone and made it seem like it was just a misunderstanding. My mom told her to call me. Then my mom called me and asked me if I'd drive her four hours the next day and have my mom meet me halfway and pick her up in The Dalles.
And Amelia never called. She told a few of her friends she was running away because she didn't want to move. My mom came back up a couple of days later, and she and I spent a day and a half looking for her and putting up missing persons posters. We know where she is, too. And this, my friends, is why I absolutely love laws about state lines:
Since my sister is an Oregon resident, since she started school down there, you'd think that we could have reported directly to the police in Milton-Freewater. M-F is about ten miles south of here, just over the border, and we know she's there, because she told her friends she was, and they called my mom. BUT. Since she ran away while she was in Washington, M-F couldn't do anything about it until we reported it to Walla Walla police and they opened a case on it. That took a lot of time. Basically, the two police departments can't do a damn thing unless they consult the other. It's stupid. All the technicalities make me sick.
The worst thing is that she's only fourteen. I'm so pissed at her about what she's doing to my family. I'm almost positive that she's fine, since people keep seeing her. But still, my mom was really looking forward to having Thanksgiving in their new home, even if I wasn't there. And she was sooo depressed when I talked to her last Thursday.
Anyway, I'm sick of people asking me every single day if I've heard anything. If I had, I assure them, I'd have already told you.
To change the subject, work is going okay but is stressing me out. I'm finishing up my verifications right now so I can get certified as a manager, but they're taking a really long time. As soon as I'm certified, I get a raise. Yayy.
I've been feeling pretty worthless lately anyway. I should be in school. When I look at the big picture though, it was good for me to take a year off. I'd already be burnt out. Overall, I think that I did the right thing, but it's hard to justify.
I'm tired of my fingers hitting the wrong keys, so I'm going to log off. There. An update. You all should be proud.
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[12 Nov 2005|09:31pm] |
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mood |
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 blah |
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So. I moved. I was forced out on my own because my mom and brother and sister all moved seven and a half hours away. To the coast.
I wish I could have gone.
But. I can't. Because I have Luke. Luke, the boyfriend who, in my opinion, could care less if I'm here or not.
Ughh. Okay. I know that's bullshit. I'm frustrated. And I do love him. It's just.. frustrating.
Lolol.. I love it when I'm absolutely at a loss for words!
Alright. The point of this post? If you're someone that I give a damn about, I'll give you my new number. If you want it. Just leave me a post.
I'm gonna go clean. It's messy in here. Ick.
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[23 Apr 2005|02:44pm] |
A is for age: 18
B is for booze: Hm.. toughie..
C is for career: McD's employee.. :( Someday, I want to be a linguist, though.
D is for dad's name: Vincent.
E is for essential items to bring to a party: Hm.. ideally, I don't have to bring anything, because everyone already brought all the essentials.
F is for favorite song at the moment: Touched - VAST.
G is for girlfriend: Nope..
H is for hometown: Currently, I live in Walla Walla, WA.
I is for instruments you play: Piano.
J is for jam or jelly you like: Strawberry.
K is for kids: Not even close.
L is for living arrangements: At home.. with my siblings and mom.. and I want to move out.. now..
M is for mom's name: Bonnie.
N is for name of your best friend: I no longer have a best friend.
O is for overnight hospital stays: At least two, maybe a few more.
P is for phobias: Deep water.
Q is for quote you like: Hard to think of one on the spot..
R is for relationship that lasted longest: Luke.. three years, two months so far.
S is for sexual position: Hurray for privacy..
U is for unique trait: I.. um.. squeak.
V is for vegetable you love: Broccoli and cucumbers are nice.
W is for worst trait: I'm distant and cold most of the time.
X is for x-rays you've had: No x-rays, but I've had a CT scan and an ultrasound.
Y is for yummy food you make: Jumbo ravioli with provolone cheese.
Z is for zodiac sign: Sagittarius/Capricorn.
FIRSTS ..
First job: A daycare center when I was like.. 12..
First screen name: Agh.. I think it was SpiceBrat ><
First funeral: Grandpa
First pet: Pumpkin, my calico kitty that got leukemia and died. :(
First piercing: Ears.
First tattoo: Soon.
First credit card: Never had one.
First kiss: Keith.. ewww
First enemy: Um.. Michael Hilton, I think.
First favorite musical artist: Not sure.
LASTS ..
Last car ride: Home, a couple of hours ago.. I think I'm gonna go make a cigarette run..
Last kiss: This morning.
Last movie watched: Slackers.
Last food consumed: A doughnut.
Last phone call: I called Luke last night to track him down.
Last time showered: Yesterday.. I'm cleaning today so I'll shower later.
Last CD played: I don't know.. Staind.. or something..
Last website visited: www.deadjournal.com
Single or Taken: Taken.
Sex: Female.
Birthday: December 22.
Sign: Sagittarius/Capricorn.
Siblings: Blake and Amelia.
Hair color: Blonde.. terminally.. blonde..
Eye color: Grey.
Shoe size: 8 1/2.
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[16 Apr 2005|09:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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self-piteous |
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music |
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The Vis-A-Vis French Learning CD |
] |
.:sigh:. It kills me that I'm missing my senior prom. So maybe, just for tonight, I'll give up studying for my French final [by the way, someone please explain to me why my final is two months before the end of the semester], bust out some ice cream, and feel sorry for myself while I watch The L-Word.
< edit> If anyone dares comment about how they can sympathize with me, they're there if I need them, blah, I will kill them. With glee. < /edit>
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| Stolen from Rachyl.. again.. |
[22 Mar 2005|08:29pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 cold |
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Choose a band/artist and answer only in song TITLES by that band: Jack Off Jill
Are you male or female: Girlscout
Describe yourself: Devil with a Black Dress On
How do some people feel about you: Ugly Girl
How do you feel about yourself: Swollen
Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend: Cumdumpster
Describe your relationship: Losing His Touch
Describe what you want to be: My Cat
Describe how you live: Fear of Dying
Describe how you love: Angels Fuck
I decided I could do it twice, since I have a buttload of mp3s anyway..
Choose a band/artist and answer only in song TITLES by that band: VAST
Are you male or female: Free.. not really applicable..
Describe yourself: The Grinch
How do some people feel about you: Schizophrenia
How do you feel about yourself: Pretty When You Cry
Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend: I Don't Have Anything
Describe your relationship: Touched
Describe what you want to be: Temptation
Describe how you live: Flames
Describe how you love: We Will Meet Again
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| Stolen from RachyL |
[31 Jan 2005|07:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 relaxed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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"Imagine" - A Perfect Circle (Beatles Cover) |
] |
I Heart The 90s
First of all, were you born in the mid/late 80s? Yes.
If so, what year? 1986.
Did you own any jelly shoes? Yes, in all colors. They gave me blisters but I could've cared less.
...do you still have them? No, and as far as I know, Wal Mart is the only place that still sells them.
What was your favorite Power Ranger? I hated the Pink Ranger because she was a ho and she always tried to get with Tommy, that chauvenistic, overly-confident originally-green-turned-white ranger. I liked Trini, the yellow ranger, because she was Asian and my favorite color is/was yellow.
Could you name all of the Ninja Turtles? Yes.
Name as many as you can. Donatello was purple, Leonardo was blue, Raphael was red, and Michelangelo was orange. Raphael was my favorite because he was such a bitch.
Who's cooler... Alex Mac or Clarissa? They came at different times. I was only like three or four when Clarissa Explains It All hit the airwaves, and I was a little older when Alex Mack came on, but I liked them both.
Did you ever try to climb up a ladder to your best friend's room? Nope.
How many times did you watch 'Scream'? Numerous, but it never really scared me. I grew up watching the likes of The Exorcist and Psycho.
...did you think it was scary? No, see above.
Did you own a pair of Zubaz? I'm not really sure what Zubaz are.
Weren't Koosh Balls fun as hell? They sorely disappointed me. When I got one -- a hot pink one -- I was under the impression that if I threw it against a wall or my brother, it would say 'Koosh', which I thought was the coolest word ever. And they didn't. So I didn't play with it anymore.
Eh... what were they for, anyway? Disappointing young children.
How many Beanie Babies did you own? NONE. I hated them because all my friends were overly obsessed and I would have much rather played with my G.I. Joes.
Did your mother ever have to tackle somebody for one? No.
Did you/your parents cry when Kurt died? EVERYBODY cried when Kurt died. My parents weren't into Nirvana by any means, but I was, and even though I was only seven when he died, I cried. Kurt's from Seattle, Washington, our home state.
...do you think Courtney did it? Actually, yes, I do.
Did your parents vote for Clinton? Hell, no. I'm pretty sure they voted Republican in '92 and I know for a fact they voted for Dole in '96.
How did they react to the whole "Monica" ordeal? They just think he's a pig.
Did you watch Friends? Yep, from its debut in 1994. My mom loved it and I watched it with her all the time.
Who's your favorite character? I love Chandler. And Rachel.
What is your favorite 'Friends' expression? The thing with the fists. Unspoken words are the best.
What is your favorite 'Seinfeld' expression? I like Seinfeld, but no specific phrases come to mind, except 'Yada yada yada', and that got overdone.
Who's worse... Barney or Tinkie-Winkie? They both suck equally. I was past public broadcasting cartoons by the time Teletubbies came on, but I hated Barney.
Did your family have a fallout shelter for 'Y2K'? No one I knew did.
Where were you and what were you doing on New Year's eve, 1999? I went to Kandi and Ashley's party and got drunk for the very first time, and took off my shirt in eighteen degree weather and ran down the football field topless at Omak High School.
And finally... what is your favorite thing about the 90s? POGS, fo' shiz. 90s fashion sucked hardcore, and so did most of the music. At the time, Brittaney and I would have told you that the Spice Girls were the best thing about the 90s, but in retrospect, it was definitely pogs. I had a really cool slammer with a scorpion on it, and I always played.
Lalala..
RJ told me tonight that I'm his "journal that no one reads", which I thought was an odd but strange compliment. He told me this after telling me something in confidence, which would explain the whole not wanting anyone to "read" me thing, but in any case, it still.. I don't know, meant a lot.. that he thinks that highly of me. Mhm. Yeah. Anyway.
Got paid -- woot -- and bought more Bedhead stuff, my last splurge before I pay off half of my debts tomorrow. :(
Gotta go to Nick and Cara's now, to see how my poor little niece is doing. She got her new earrings stuck inside her earlobe the other day and had to be strapped to a papoose board so the doctor could dig it out.. poor little girl.
ThingstodopeopletoseewheEeE..
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[02 Jan 2005|09:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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indifferent |
] |
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music |
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"Coma White" - Marilyn Manson |
] |
X] PART 1 -- THE BASICS [X]
WHAT'S YOUR NAME? ::: Lyn.
BIRTHPLACE ::: Boise, ID.
CURRENT LOCATION ::: Walla Walla, WA.
EYE COLOUR ::: Grey.
HAIR COLOUR :::Blonde.
RIGHTY, LEFTY OR AMBIDEXTROUS? ::: Ambidextrous.
ZODIAC SIGN? ::: Sagittarius/Capricorn cusp.
HEIGHT? ::: 5'5.
[X] PART 2 -- DESCRIBE... [X]
YOUR HERITAGE/NATIONALITY ::: Swedish, Italian, English, Irish, German.
YOUR HAIR ::: Little past my shoulders.
YOUR FEARS ::: Deep water.
YOUR PERFECT ROOM ::: Comfortable and classy looking, with a touch of eccentricity.
WHAT YOU PRACTICALLY DO IN A DAY ::: Sleep.
[x] PART 3 -- WHAT IS/ARE... [X]
WORDS YOU OVERUSE ::: Wow.. that's hard.
PHRASES YOU OVERUSE ::: "I don't mean to sound cliche, but.."
YOUR FIRST THOUGHT WHEN YOU WAKE UP ::: Good God, kill me.
YOUR GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENT ::: I don't know, I hope I'm not to the point in my life where I'm done accomplishing things..
SOMETHING YOU WANT TO DO ::: Live a normal life without constantly questioning myself and others.
[X] PART 4 -- THIS OR THAT [X]
PEPSI OR COKE ::: Pepsi, but I don't do the whole soda thing.
MCDONALDS OR BURGER KINGS ::: NEITHER. ICK.
BRITNEY SPEARS OR CHRISTINA AGUILERA ::: See above.
CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA ::: Chocolate.
ADIDAS OR NIKE ::: Adidas, I don't endorse sweatshops.
BLACK OR WHITE ::: Black.
BILLS OR COINS ((THINK $$$)) ::: Bills.
BURGERS OR HOT DOGS ::: Burgers.
EGYPT OR FRANCE ::: France.
ROCK OR RAP ::: Rock. You can't spell 'crap' without 'rap'.
[X] PART 5 -- DO YOU...[X]
SMOKE ::: Yes.
CUSS ::: More than I should.
SING WELL ::: Actually, without sounding conceited, yes, I do sing well.
SING IN THE SHOWER ::: Yes, when no one is home.
TALK TO YOURSELF - A LOT - ::: No.
BELIEVE IN YOURSELF ::: Hm.. hard to say without sounding like a Disney character.
LIKE TAKING THESE LONGASS SURVEYS? ::: When there's absolutely nothing else to do.. like.. now.
PLAY AN INSTRUMENT ::: Piano, kind of.
WANT TO GO TO COLLEGE? ::: Yep.
WANT TO GET MARRIED? ::: I've always been morally opposed to it, but maybe someday.
WANT TO HAVE CHILDREN? ::: I hate children, but maybe someday I'll need to unleash my minions.
THINK YOU'RE A HEALTH FREAK? ::: I can be.
GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS? ::: My mom and I are tizzight.
GET ALONG WITH YOUR SIBLINGS? ::: No.
THINK YOU'RE POPULAR? ::: If 'popular' means that people generally like me and I have a lot of friends, then yes. If it means that I'm shallow and materialistic and backstabbing, then no.
[X] PART 6 -- IN THE PAST MONTH HAVE YOU.. [X]
GONE OUT OF STATE ::: Yes, I've gone to Arizona once in the past month, and I've gone to Oregon about ten times.. viva la NO SALES TAX.
DRANK ALCOHOL ::: Yep.
SMOKED ::: Yep.
GOTTEN HIGH ::: Once.
DONE ANY DRUGS ::: Just took a hit on New Years Eve..
EATEN AN ENTIRE BOX OF OREOS ::: No.
BEEN ON STAGE ::: Yep, about eight times.
GONE SKINNY DIPPING ::: I WISH it were warm enough to go skinny dipping.
BEEN DUMPED ::: No.
DYED YOUR HAIR ::: Highlighted it.
STOLEN ANYTHING ::: No, I don't steal.
[X] PART 7 -- YOUR FRIENDS! =D [X]
CRAZIEST ::: Natasha.. but she's like.. closet-crazy. No one knows how crazy she really is.
LOUDEST ::: BRITTANEY. Ahem.. *gobblegobbleASSTURKEY!*.. weirdo.
MOST SHY ::: Lucas.
BLONDEST ::: Mitchell, sometimes.
SMARTEST ::: Hrm... Brittaney and Sean are definitely the most insightful.
KINDEST ::: Probably Tristen.
BEST PERSONALITY ::: Jeremy.. bitchiest male I've ever known.
MOST TALENTED ::: Natasha, she's multifaceted.. band geek AND connoisseur de francais.
BEST SINGER ::: Jeremy.
MOST GHETTO ::: Nancy.. hahaha..
DRAMA QUEEN ((OR KING)) ::: Jeremy.
PAIN IN THE ASS ::: Mitchell, most of the time.
THE ONE YOU JUST WANT TO STRANGLE TO DEATH (HOMER SIMPSON STYLEE) :: Aaron, for shizzle.
FUNNIEST ::: Either Cara, Brittaney, or Nancy.
BEST PERSON FOR ADVICE ::: Brittaney or Nancy.
DEPENDABLE ::: Hrm.. I dono. Cara's pretty responsible.
TRUSTWORTHY ::: Luke.
DRUGGIE ::: Luke, Nancy, and I all tie.
MOST LIKELY TO END UP IN JAIL ::: Nancy.
PERSON YOU'VE KNOWN THE LONGEST ::: Sean since I was three, Brittaney since I was five.
[x] PART 8 -- THE LAST... [X]
LAST DREAM ::: On New Years Eve, I dreamt I tried to eat a sandwich, but it turned into sand, and I tried to drink a glass of water, but that turned into sand, too. I was dehydrated and hungover as hell.
LAST NIGHTMARE ::: That very dream.
CAR RIDE ::: Yesterday afternoon when I went to the store.
LAST TIME YOU CRIED ::: Last night, because I watched Fahrenheit 9/11 and they showed all of those dead people in Iraq..
LAST MOVIE SEEN ::: Fahrenheit 9/11.
LAST MOVIE RENTED ::: Fahrenheit 9/11.
LAST BOOK READ ::: The Poisonwood Bible.
LAST WORD SAID ::: "Fine, watch the fucking TV."
LAST CURSE WORD SAID ::: "...fucking TV."
LAST TIME YOU LAUGHED ::: Yesterday, I think.
LAST PHONE CALL ::: Luke.
LAST CD PLAYED ::: Marilyn Manson.
LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO ::: "Coma White" - Marilyn Manson.
LAST ANNOYANCE ::: My brother robbing me of the remote.
LAST IM ::: Um.. might have been NNY..
LAST WEIRD ENCOUNTER ::: Trying to play the piano while drunk, with gloves on.. *shakes head*
LAST PERSON YOU HUGGED ::: Luke.
LAST PERSON YOU YELLED AT ::: Blake.
Sternly Told what's what: Luke.
LAST TIME YOU WORE A SKIRT ::: About a week ago.
LAST TIME YOU'VE BEEN EVIL ::: I'm not evil.. just a little spoiled..
SARCASTIC? ::: I'm ALWAYS sarcastic.
LAST TIME YOU FOUGHT WITH YOUR PARENTS ::: Um.. maybe six weeks ago for my mom.. and I didn't fight with my dad last time I talked to him, but I wanted to tell him he was retarded.. so.. I don't know.
LAST TIME YOU WISHED UPON A STAR ::: I don't think I ever have. I just do that lame thing where I hold my breath every time I go over a bridge.
PLAYED TRUTH OR DARE ::: A couple of years..
SPENT QUALITY TIME ALONE ::: Right now.
[X] PART 9 -- I SWEAR THIS IS THE LAST ONE! -- RANDOMNESS [X]
ARE YOU TALKING TO SOMEONE ON AIM ::: Nope.
DO YOU FEEL LONELY ::: I always kind of do.
EVER TP'D SOMEONE'S HOUSE ::: Yep.
HOW ABOUT EGGING SOMEONE'S HOUSE ::: Nope.
EVER BEEN SO HUNGRY YOU FELT LIKE YOU COULD EAT THE PERSON NEXT TO YOU? ::: Nope.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF GEORGE BUSH ::: Ignoramus.. not evil, just stupid.
ANY SECRET FETISHES? ::: Nope..
DO YOU LIKE TO WEAR CHAINS? ::: Nope, I'm too clumsy. I'd probably get them caught on my car or something.
HOW MANY LANGUAGES DO YOU SPEAK? ::: Two.
GLAD THIS IS OVER? ((SAY YES AND I'LL STALK YOU)) ::: Um.. no. I wish it could go on.. forever..?
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[01 Jan 2005|10:54am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 hungover |
] |
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BRITTANEY!
.. and yes, I believe that's all. *nods satisfactorily*
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[22 Dec 2004|12:13pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 excited |
] |
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Lyndsey
2. Lyn
3. Lynnifer.. I hate it.. but when people get drunk they feel that they must give me a nickname.. and this one is usually it.
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. je ne sais peut etre pas ce que je veux, mais je sais ce que je ne veux pas.. longer than my usual ones.
2. lyn est dans la petite poulegerie, la la la
3. xAnomalyx
THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Personality
2. Motivation
3. Intelligence
THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Perception of self
2. Obstinance
3. I love getting my own way too much
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Irish
2. Italian
3. Swedish
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Moving to Ireland next year
2. Big cities
3. Becoming too reliant on anyone/anything
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Lucas
2. Primping <-- hear, hear.
3. Sleeping.. I don't function well without it..
THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Pajama pants [plus oh-em-gee, I love them SOO much.. I <3 Luke's mom]
2. Camasole
3. Tennis shoes, I just drove home.
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS (or artists(at the moment)):
1. Bush
2. VAST
3. Led Zeppelin -- they don't change much.
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1. Touched - VAST
2. but that's a
3. given.
THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. Living in Ireland
2. Adapting to missing my family and friends
3. Trying to make it with Luke that far away. :(
THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
1. Ambition
2. Intelligence
3. Insight
TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:
1. I have grey eyes
2. I'd go to the ends of the earth for my boyfriend
3. I MISS OMAK! *cough*
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Thick, dark hair
2. Soulful eyes.. especially Luke's green ones.. which he insists are blue..
3. Strong hands and forearms
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE SAME SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Curves [women look better with them, thanks]
2. Smile
3. Dimples
THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. Let myself go motivationally
2. Relax, heh
3. Fail at anything
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Reading
2. Writing
3. Putting on makeup [yes, I am a teensy bit girly]
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Buy a lotto ticket
2. Take a shower.. I feel icky :/
3. NOT go to my voice lesson or my job interview..
THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. Linguist
2. Vocal performer
3. Professor in voice technique
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Ireland
2. Alaska
3. NYC
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Lose a lot of weight and get plastic surgery on my nose, chin, and mouth
2. Speak Russian, Gaelic, Spanish, and Japanese fluently
3. Understand myself better
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[22 Dec 2004|12:56am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 Cynical - yes, that's the one. |
] |
| [ |
music |
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"Tainted Love" - My Ruin |
] |
Blah..
Got laid off at my job last week.. so currently unemployed, and rejoining the wonderful world of fast food. Turned in applications at Taco Bell, Wendy's, Burger King, Domino's, and Jack in the Box. I had an interview at Wendy's on Monday and I have another one today, at 4:30. I think I got hired, but I'm not totally sure..
Living up Christmas break, I'm going to get totally drunk tomorrow night (tonight?) with Luke, Cara, Nick, Laura, Nancy, and I'm not really sure who else. Kacy, Amanda, and her Luke might be there too. For those of you casting disparaging eyes on me, I don't care. I stayed sober tonight so I could drive Nancy and Alex home, so I courageously played a drinking game with the oh-so-risque glass of ice water. Hoo-hah. Go me.
I'm not in that great a mood right now, I'll admit it. I can't really explain why. Maybe not a bad mood, but.. a cynical one? Brian just told me that exactly eight years from now, many believe the world will end, because that's when the Mayan calendar ends. w00t. I'll be twenty-six.
Goodnight, sleep tight, and if the bed bugs bite, you may have crabs. :)
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